I never have understood some experiences of life,
One Particularly troubled me, shoppin’ for my wife.
She asked me for an errand, I nodded straightaway.
So off to town I rode for unmentionables, lingerie.
I don’t embarrass easily, but this one dropped my jaw,
I tripped inside the shop and in disbelief I saw.
Shapes and sizes and colors, lace of every kind,
Now I understand how a gal can’t make her mind.
The storekeep turned and hollered “Hello, sir, can I help?”
I stood there like a lost puppy, thought I’s gonna yelp!
Yes, ma’am, my wife needs one of them there – double slings,
I never realized there were so many of those things.
Yes, there are many choices, just the same as life.
It all boils down to just one thing, what religion is your wife!
Religion? Absurd, you must be horsin’ with me,
I don’t believe I have ever heard such awful blasphemy.
But, sir, ’tis true, pleases I meant you no disdain,
May I have a moment, I promise to explain.
Now when most women see this one, they usually just pass,
The Catholic types are here to help support the mass.
This religious brand is famous for never being dreary,
The Pentecostals love to raise and lift the weary.
Here is a peculiar set, it’s really quite a sight,
The Mormons work so hard to keep them staunch upright.
Now, hellfire and damnation have always given me the chills,
This one like the Baptists makes mountains of molehills.
I stood there looking mortified, her word stuck in my craw,
I told her she had missed a type, she looked at me in awe.
Although my wife is religious, this I must insist,
Based solely on her bust size, she must be atheist.























