1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a Little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere….
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late For the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
and I said, “Dust!”

Can’t you just hear him say all of these? I love it.  And he always ended his programs with the words, “God Bless.”